Falling into the category of “so-whacky-it-can’t-possibly-be-true-but-oddly-enough-it-is,” comedian Stephen Colbert will be testifying in front of the immigration sub-committee today. A House Judiciary Committee spokeswoman, confirming Colbert would testify, said the hearing matter was a “serious issue . . . this is not a TV stunt.”
Congressman Jason Chaffetz was not impressed. “We have never, ever had a substantive discussion on any immigration issue … and they’re calling Colbert as their first guy?” the Utah Republican told Fox News. “The meeting room will be packed. Everybody will want to get their picture taken with him and an autograph and what not, but we’re not here to make Comedy Central look good. We do that all by ourselves.” Too true, too true.
So, here are some thoughts on the Colbert appearance (and many thanks to my Facebook friends for helping me out)
*The one doing most of the questioning will be the good Senator from Minnesota, Al Franken
*Colbert will leg-wrestle illegal immigrants in exchange for citizenship
*Might as well call OJ Simpson as an expert witness on murder – at least OJ would have experience with it.
*Or ask Bill Cosby to report on Earthquake Safety because of his experience with things that shake (jello)
*At least one Congressman doing the questioning needs to be dressed as a wild bear
*No one know if Colbert will answer as a concerned citizen, or in his role as a liberal masquerading as a conservative pundit
*”Mr Colbert, could you preface each of your statements with the word, “Seriously.” See, we’re not used to have comedians talk to us.”
*Could I get an autograph and a picture?
*By the way, I’m actually surprised that Congress is asking a comedian to address them. They normally don’t appreciate competition.
*”Could you ask John Stewart if he’d come by? He returned our invitation unopened.”
*”Remind us why you are here?”
*”Yes, Mr Colbert, we’ve heard the one about the opposite of ‘progress’.”
*It might be a stupid rule, but WE’LL ask the questions, if you don’t mind.
*”We don’t care if do “cut us a deal” we are not paying you your standard appearance fee, nor are we are interested in negotiating the rebroadcast rights for today’s appearance.”
*”Would you PLEASE stop pointing at the camera and saying, ‘We’ll be right back’!”
*The House doesn’t do a “Best of” DVD.
*”There is no Camera 3. Just look at us please.
And finally: “Can you PLEASE wait for your leg-wrestling rematch with Rep. Chaffetz until after this hearing?”